Shadow Work

Shadows can be distortions of the self

What is Shadow Work? When I first heard of Shadow Work, I thought, "what on earth does that mean?!"

I come from a family who would rather push things under the rug and keep the peace, than bring things out in the open and talk about them to create repair or so all members of the family feel heard and seen or come to a resolve and make a game plan, so it happens differently next time. As a result, I had LOTS of Shadows!

When we are young, we would do anything to belong to our family, including suppress emotions, wants, desires, passions, unaccepted experiences, thoughts or feelings, all so that we can exchange acceptance for approval. Shame is the biggest driver to get young kids to conform, and unfortunately some parents may, unknowingly and with the best intentions of keeping us safe, go a little too far.

As a result we grow up to be adults who are afraid to express ourselves, afraid to be open and vulnerable, afraid of being rejected, feeling unwanted, unloved, waiting for the next shoe to drop, people pleasing as a way to keep the peace and ensure that everyone is happy with us, and all while feeling so incredibly, heart-achingly disconnected from our true selves.

For a lot of us, we actually don't know what we want or need, because our lives have been focused on meeting the needs of others, as that's how we learnt to get our basic needs met as a child.

What if I told you that, although being that way has done a great job up until now at keeping you alive, if you continue to repeat these same ways of getting your needs met, unfortunately things will only get worse, and not better. AND, what if I told you that that burning desire inside that you feel for something more, for deeper connection, to be listened to and seen for who you really are, for what you really want in life, what if that is actually your Soul calling out for you to make a change? What if you are destined to live the life you want, all you have to do is move through these hidden Shadows that are keeping you trapped where you are?

Shadow Work is the process of exploring and uncovering the parts of yourself that you hide or repress, bringing them out into the Light, looking at them and understanding them for what they experienced back when you locked them away. It is the process of uncovering limiting beliefs, stuck emotions and past wounds that are having a negative impact on our life now, and clearing them out, creating a new way of seeing things. It involves working with the unconscious mind and bringing the light of awareness to what they needed back then, and what they need now in order to be integrated back into your body so you can become a whole self now.

Our Shadows also drive all of our behaviour. The good and the bad. This can also be why you've tried to kick that nasty habit of drinking, smoking, over sharing with strangers, punishing yourself when you've had too much to eat, or sabotaging your own wants and desires, among many other behaviours, but you just haven't been able to do it.

When we have hidden Shadows in the depths of our psyche, the ways in which we have learned to cope in order to suppress and hide these parts of ourselves takes a lot of energy to maintain. By doing Shadow Work we allow those parts to be seen, freeing up the energy being used to keep them hidden.

With almost 3 years' experience facilitating and coaching Shadow Work, I have sat with a lot of Shadows. And I can tell you, that once we bring that rat sitting in the dark corner out into the Light, we begin to see that it is not in fact a rat, it's just a pile of dirty socks and we can begin to accept, integrate and embody a new way of being, one which is a conscious choice driven by who and what you want to be.